father christmas

there was a time
when i believed
in father christmas
and it was lekker
to think of him
he who brings presents

then one day

uncle braam's shirt shone
through father christmas's suit
and i knew
and i was fine
knowing
my red idol
was all made up
and i could still
play along
because it's fun
for the children
who still believe
wholeheartedly
and innocently

my early scientist self
saw the evidence
and drew conclusions

for a long time
i searched for proof
that jesus came to save us

because it sounds wonderful

and he did
by setting
an example
of how to live

or at least

the concept of him
as presented to us

jesus gave us
a chance
to save ourselves
by living well

today for me there is more evidence
of man's hand playing a part
in building jesus' story
building eternal life
and hell

again i saw that striped shirt
showing through
the countless retellings
of jesus' robe

and i am fine with

believing jesus
is not
what christianity wants
him to be

a saviour
who takes us to heaven

but still i play along
and try to live like a jesus
without holding it against him
that i robbed myself of eternal life
i've already

as jesus would have wanted
i guess

forgiven myself

in sum
i believe in jesus
just as i believe in father christmas
but i also know
who they are not